5. “I’m only having one drink tonight.”
Men are genetically incapable of having just one drink at the pub! A drink quickly progresses into heartbreaking stories about nagging wives, girlfriends or the nasty boss, foul-mouthed arguments with others and attempts at flirting with the nearest females.

4 “I’ll pay you back dude, I promise.”
You will, eventually, pay back. Once you’ve paid off your credit card debt, your yearly subscription to an online adult website, the gym membership and the loan for your new car.

3. “I’m rethinking my career choices.”
Every now and again you get a little jaded with the work-life balance and decide to research the possibility of becoming a social worker helping poor kids. You are of course unlikely to ever act on that feeling.

2. “You and me, outside, right now!”
In a desperate attempt to show your dominance in the presence of another alpha-male you try to bluff our way out of it by calling them out for the fight! Though, all you’re hoping for is to scream, shove and then have your friends mercifully pull you away!

1. “Of course I’m listening to you, dear.”
This is usually followed by a few grunts and a nod or two. You’re not really listening but paying just enough attention to not get caught watching cricket while she describes, in excruciating detail, everything that happened to her today.